Six Signs To Let Him Go

Today, I will be touching up on the topic of breakups, or more specifically, the prospect of breaking up with your significant other. Let’s be honest, shall we? You clicked on this link for a reason. Maybe you’re whole-heartedly, tear-jerkingly, heads over heels in love. Or maybe, just maybe, there is a teensy-weensy bit of doubt snuggling in the darkest corners of your heart. Well whatever team you’re on, fret not my friend, I am here to either cast away those doubts or - ehem - confirm them. If this was unbeknownst to you, I am in fact a female, so this post will be directed for the women. However, you boys can go ahead and apply it to your own circumstances with your fair lady.

1. You don’t see a future with him. Things could be swell at the moment, but there seems to be several loopholes here and there where you two just don’t talk about and ignore. The future. Perhaps it’s due to the fact that both of you realise that it could lead to a painful heartbreak where your future plans don’t see eye-to-eye. It could be anything, really. He could have mentioned a five-year program where he has to study abroad during brunch but you chose to look past it and nod nonchalantly. He could be somebody who doesn’t wish to have children but conversely, you absolutely adore kids and would want your generation to pass on. He wants to marry somebody that will be a stay-at-home wife but you feel like you have your own dreams and aspirations to chase. The two of you have vastly different beliefs and are secretly just waiting for the other to change their beliefs to match yours. This is especially true for couples that believe in different religions and are inflexible with their state of mind. As difficult as it is to accept it, love is NOT everything in a relationship. It is the most amazing and the most important PART of a relationship because without love, there is no relationship. But if you have love but everything else has gone to utter shit, then there might as well be no relationship. If your lives are heading towards different directions and there is no way to fix up a harmonious future together - let him go.

2. You are constantly looking for a better substitute. You love him, you treasure him, and you feel lucky to be with him… but why is that guy in the corner so goddarn cute? Hey, it’s completely okay and healthy to have crushes. Yes, your boyfriend probably crushes on other attractive girls too. These innocent crushes don’t involve any feelings whatsoever, but you just so happen to find someone else besides your S.O to be charming and funny, and you appreciate these traits about them. However, if you start feeling flustered or get little tingles of butterflies when these ‘crushes’ are around, or if you start wondering about how much better it’d be if you were dating this guy or that guy, then girl, you need to check yourself. This is entirely not okay and maybe you’re just not that in love with your guy to begin with. When you’re in love with somebody, you just know they are The One. He may not be the best-looking, the wealthiest, or the most popular guy out there, but he’s perfect in your eyes. Nobody else can compare to how you feel when you’re with him. 

3. He makes you feel like crap about yourself. Relationships are supposed to bring you up, not down. Life is already tough as it is, you do not need the weight of a displeasing, mean, and bitter man on your shoulders. Your significant other should be your biggest cheerleader (second to your mom, of course), always rooting for all your endeavours and goals. If he isn’t giving you the support that you need, badmouthing your opinions, or worse of all, laughing at your dreams, then chuck him into the farthest man bin you can find. This is one aspect of how a relationship could make you feel bad about yourself. Another would be the worst of its kind, he’s making you think that you’re not good enough. Either he’s constantly talking about how gorgeous hoe A or hoe B are and never giving you credit for all the work you did to look good for him, or that he’s always criticising every little thing about you. If he doesn’t make you feel like a better person, then how do you expect to live on feeling belittled every single day?

4. You have nothing in common. There’s that phrase “opposites attract”, and I suppose in some circumstances it is valid. However, I’m talking about couples that don’t enjoy the same things whatsoever, and would spend most of their time away from each other to do stuff that their S.O doesn’t like. He is the type of guy that absolutely cannot stay still, and enjoys activities such as hiking, going to museums, or marathon running. Whereas on the other hand, you just love to unwind once in a while and do absolutely nothing but watch DVD’s on the couch and cuddle. If you two have zero similar interests, it would be difficult to spend quality time together if you’re always fighting about what to do on dates, or feeling forced to do something you dislike. 

5. Neither of you are putting in any effort anymore. Gone are the days of lightning speed text replies, spontaneous romantic gestures, and late night car rides. Let’s be real, honeymoon romance does not last forever, but that does not mean that the sacrifices that you make for your love should end. If you feel like he no longer prioritises you nor the things that you care about… If he cancels on you one too many times and for silly reasons too… Then wave goodbye to that man. The effort to stay in touch - physically and emotionally - should perpetuate till death does you part. This effort should come from both sides; a healthy balance goes a long way. Love should persist even after you’ve reached the Comfortable Stage. Even though people say that butterflies eventually disappear, I like to think that the butterflies simply go to sleep. Once in a while, on a cute movie night in, or when he sends you a bouquet of flowers “just because”, the butterflies will awaken. However, if he doesn’t try to revive those butterflies anymore, this is when you should chuck the relationship down the drain.

6. The Unforgivables. Ok. If you received your acceptance letter to Hogwarts like I did, *har har har wishful thinking Titan* then you’ll know the Unforgivable curses that are absolutely, unquestionably, unequivocally, inexcusable!!! In Muggle world, these would be: cheating and abuse. Cheating proves to you that he does not value the relationship and your undying loyalty and thus lacks respect for you. He is selfish - gratifying his temporal satisfaction without considering the consequences of breaking your heart. If he hits you or yells curses at you that would give your mother a chronic heart-attack - you deserve better. Do you really want to live the rest of your life being afraid of your love? Cowering in the corner when he returns home intoxicated and violent? No. No woman nor man, deserves such dehumanizing treatment.

Nevertheless, with every opinionated verdict I make, I come with a disclaimer. You can put this list into consideration - do what you have to - with tact. Relationships are never black and white, there are grey areas and only you and your partner know that relationship fully and completely. Who am I to judge for I am nobody but your loyal online friend, cheers and keep on loving folks xx

Love, T

Why We Shouldn't Date Until We're 18 (or older)

Ok, I know the title of this post makes it sound like I regretted all the relationships I had before my 18th birthday but no this isn't the case really. I have no regrets in life; I have full gratitude for those who have come into my life, the ones that stayed and even those that left. Every individual I let into my life has touched me (my heart not my body, get your mind out of the gutter) in one way or another and made me this person today. And you know what, I like me - even with all my flaws and baggage and bruises.

That being said, I still think that younger teens (because I'm still a teen right?) should refrain from dating before they turn into an 18 year-old "adult" as pronounced as the legal document the government presents to you. Yes, I understand how age is just a number, and that age does not define maturity blah di blah but hear me out here. I just had to say my say on this topic. Why? Because these days, thirteen year-olds are singing their hearts out to Breakeven by The Script. Because preteens are talking about how their breakup has ruined them, ruined any prospect of loving again, and start cutting to take away that emotional pain. Nigga, what?

I understand that kids these days are admittedly more mature than kids of generation Y. As our society evolves, the exposure to the real world is growing more and more rapidly. It's the media and how they portray being in a relationship as something that's compulsary and if you don't have a boy/girlfriend you're lame and "forever alone." You are NOT forever alone, you're just single at the moment. There's nothing wrong with that, hell, there's so many things right with that! Singledom is something to celebrate and enjoy, not something we should be embarassed about and to mourn about. I'm only turning 19 this year, I've still got so much to learn, so much to experience, and am nowhere near settling down.

Chances are, being teenagers of such a tender age, we still have to struggle with a lot of adolescent feelings such as low self-esteem, confusion about what's right and what's not, and most of us probably have those days where we just hate ourselves and wished we were somebody else. It happens, doesn't it? Because guys, self-love takes a lot of courage and time to accomplish. We all have our insecurities, be it physical or emotional insecurity. Growing up is learning to deal with these unstable emotions that we have about ourselves and our changing world. Growing up doesn't mean getting your first kiss or driving your first car. It's deciding the identity we want to have amongst our peers, where you want to go in the path of life, and how we are gonna get there.

Without loving yourself first, how do you expect your heart to have enough strength to muster love for another? Or for someone else to love you, the person you don't even like yourself. When you love yourself, you know your positives and negatives. You learn to accept and deal with your negatives, and then you bring out the positive characteristics that embody you. People will fall for you, you sexy person you. But true love won't happen if you're always nitpicking at yourself, or even worse, nitpicking at other girls because you're just that insecure. Bringing other people down to a level that you think is lower than yours does not help, it chases people away - nobody likes someone that talks sh*t :)

Relationships take up a great amount of time and effort. When two people decide to be together, there are certain boundaries to be made. You aren't allowed to hang out one-on-one with people of the opposite sex. You aren't allowed to attend parties even if you really, really want to. You have to choose between your friends and your partner on the weekends. Your single friends are free to roam and socialize with new people everyday, building their network and making memories, and what are you doing? Staying home and crying about how your boyfriend chatted up another girl in another school? There's plenty of time to do that later.

Ever heard adults say this phase, "I was young and stupid"? That's because we are young and stupid right now, just like they were. Young people make stupid decisions, it's true. We think we're always right and our parents "just don't understand." They do understand, more than you think. They were indeed, quote unquote, young and stupid once before. They made their foolish mistakes when they were younger and parents would want nothing else but their own children that they love to refrain from making those same mistakes. Most parents don't want their kids to date at too young an age because we can't decipher the rights from the wrongs yet (read: MTV's 16 and Pregnant). Being in love at a young age could be jeopardizing because love intensifies stupidity. Haha. I can vouch for that.

Besides our unstable (or for my indo friends, labil) feelings, we also have unstable plans for the future. Where will I go to school? What major will I take? What am I passionate in? These years of adolescence are the years of most change, in my opinion. These are the make-or-break moments that we won't be able to redo, ever. Some of my friends are changing their dreams just so they can go to school in the city that their lover is staying in. Your boyfriend or girlfriend's opinion of your future could also leave you jaded and even more confused than you would have already been without them. Why put your own ambitions on the line when you should really be going for your dreams, full force, full speed ahead? It's difficult to keep a relationship alive with someone far, far away. Especially when you're still young, you should be out and about, exploring the foreign culture (granted you moved away for school), the people, and just... not be tied up.

I have many other reasons as to why I think people shouldn't date before 18. But that's all for now. I hope nobody takes offense to this because I'm definitely not telling you to do anything. If you're already dating, great, I'm wholeheartedly happy for you and hope all goes well for you. But if you're not and you're in the stages where you're considering whether you should find someone special or not, then all I'm saying is just to think about it thoroughly. I wish I could've done more with my pre-teenhood. To be honest, I'm a damaged girl in some ways because of this exact reason, I grew up too quickly. I should have clicked the pause button and realized that growing up is something I should enjoy at a slow pace :)


With love, T

Filler #2

So adorable, Selena *_*

Whenever I feel really tired of being in an LDR because of all the problems that arise, I'd think back to this quote and come back with a renewed purpose to keep the love alive :)

Just really obsessed with their hairs idk whyyy.

Got myself a similar top in a baby blue color! :D

This cracked me up. Oh, 9gag.

:3

American Apparel came out with this nail polish line called Sheer that specially creates that ombre look! Not sure how well it'd actually work though! But it looks super good in the ad.

I would if I could.

Been obsessing over silver jewelery!!!!!!!! It's so difficult to come across quality ones here in Jakarta though :( and I don't trust e-bay (rather, idk how to operate it hehe).

"Would you lay with me and just forget the world?"

Have a great night everyone! :)

Heart Vs. Mind

Taken by Olen Riyanto, styled by Vanessa Suriato, and edited by yours truly.

For those of you who know me personally, you should know how much of a realist I am when it comes to... well, when it comes to anything, really.

I like to lay down the hard facts. I like lists of pros and cons. I like to make decisions based on logic logic logic - sometimes even bordering insensitive and cruel. For years I've wondered why this is. It has always been rare of me to act upon feelings because somehow I felt that whenever I gave in to my heart, things WILL go bad. I never trusted my heart; logic > emotions.

Well I guess a big part of my realist disposition comes from the ideas my parents and elder brothers have been hammering into me since ever. It is almost like a chant...

1. All men are jerks. Never fall too deep. Always be wary.

2. Love isn't powerful enough to trump all things. It isn't the only thing that keeps the world going round.

3. When things get serious, always bring the boy home for the parents to see. "We can tell what kind of a person he is through his facial features." (Apparently I'm not allowed to marry people with eyes that sort of pop-out... cos they're "evil" -_-)

Yeah anyways you guys get the point! This list goes on lol trust me. As ridiculous as these rules may sound, for some reason whenever I stray from them, something bad happens. Coincidence? Idk, but I always figured that playing by these rules won't do me any harm.

...It wasn't until recently when someone taught me it was time that I just chill the f out. Apparently my doubts for this person really showed through, even though I had no intention to come across as this constantly suspicious little bitch. I never thought my untrusting nature could actually hurt people. From then on, I realized that, yeah, it's difficult for me to believe whatever anybody says to me. Even the slightest things people say - more specifically compliments - I wave it off as polite, small talk and don't pay attention to those words.

My realist mentality was beginning to change my character and even alienate myself from people that truly cared.

So from that day onwards, I decided it was time that I build trust for others. I've always preached about how relationships (both romantic and non-romantic) are based on trust, loyalty, and compatibility. But what a hypocrite I was to not trust others but expect it in return! I can't forever blame myself everytime somebody disappoints me. Besides, I chose to let these people in my life, and whether they end up breaking or making me, I now know it's completely in their power... absolutely nothing I can do to stop it.

There will be times of heartache, times of loss, and times of betrayal. But never forget the flip side to these mishaps - laughter, life, and love. We should all learn to listen to our heart, fall in love when we want to, do whatever the hell we feel is right, and take risks because who knows what great things might come out of it?

Chipmunk's Seventeen

Makeup by Anpa Suha. This was 12 hours after he applied it and it was STILL immaculate and perfect! :O and for the record I sweated sooo much from all the wildass dancing and walking around.

Finally 17 you guysss! :) Had a wonderful birthday bash last night regardless of the things that went wrong (my countless times of tripping over, friends that couldn't make it, the several birds that were supposed to fly away dramatically but instead splat on the ground HAHA). I want to thank each and every one of you guys that made my seventeenth, indeed, very sweet!!!

I don't have any pictures from the (pre/after) party just yet but I'll have them up as soon as I get them from my photographer! :) Maybe I'll even post about the party in detail alongside the pics, let's just see how my laziness plays out.

I liked each and every single one of the presents people gave me, though it kinda frazzled me how SO MANY PEOPLE GOT ME BODY SCENTED THINGS. E.g: Lola perfume by Marc, Juicy Couture perfume set, Versace perfume set, Lush products... and lots and lots of body soap -_- what are you guys trying to prove here?!

Hahah I'm only joking. I know I don't stink. I think.

But yeah that's besides the point. I really enjoyed looking through all the prettily wrapped gifts and thoughtful cards :') made me feel so loved! Hehe and let's not forget the videos that my friends made for me - aaahhhh made my night just that much more amazing.

I especially loved the one that somebody very special to me madeee :)) hihi thank you again&again&again for the effort you've put in. You never fail to surprise me. Makes me wish even more you were right here to spend my bday with me :(

..but that's okay, all in good time, right!

Ok that is all for today,

-T

Start Of Something New

Well I guess I see how appreciation for sunsets comes in - the soft gradation of hues that can spark warmth inside you, how smoothly and gracefully the sun moves in the afternoon sky, and the reflection of it all illuminating the surface of the waters. It's undoubtedly beautiful and symbolizes the closing of the survival of another day in this crazy world. When the sun sets and the stars come out to play, we'd heave a sigh of relief, kick our shoes off, lean back, and laze in a daze under the darkness.

We wake up the next morning, the sun bright and dandy, ready to embark on another tough day of repetitious activities. Now excuse my sudden random thought but what I've noticed is that it's very seldom that we give that same appreciation that we do sunsets to sunrises.

If the sun setting gives us closure, then doesn't the sun rising gives us a sense of new beginnings? That feeling of rebirth, turning into a new leaf, finding hope you once lost along the way. When I watch a sunrise dawning (lol, pun!) upon me, I see it as the universe giving me another chance for a day better than the previous one - a shot to make things right. Is that weird? Perhaps I'm looking too deeply into the whole concept, perhaps English Lit's close-reading assignments have etched a permanent mark in me hahaha.

What I'm saying, folks, is that you should never let failures bring you and your self-esteem in a downwards spiral. It's already bad enough that you failed, you know? Don't let it discourage you even more, for that would make for another failure. So you screwed up this time, that's okay, you still have tomorrow, next time, next year. Had a bad day? Well your days can't ALL be bad if you don't make it be! The sun doesn't stay down forever...it'll rise again before you know it to brighten the new day :)

Jumping Jacks

I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it but I did it :)

It's now or never, right? I'd rather suffer the consequences now than have to drown in the heavy waters of regret.

Keep Out

Found this saved in my drafts from months ago, I'm assuming just another one of my random passages I neglected to post. I don't think it actually has any personal meaning to me but I forget. Hehe.

I guard my heart well. I keep it behind invisible bulletbroof borders. Over time, over continuous bullshit, continuous dickwads, and continuous pain - those walls harden and grow both horizontally and vertically. During the peak of this state, I feel secure. Protected from the manacles of lust, infatuation, and urgh...love.

My comfort zone is cozy. I tell myself I'm fine with the limited space but deep down I know I'm nothing but a fool. I decide to ignore the asphyxiation coming on to me slowly but sure as hell. It would be at that point in time when loneliness would consume me completely and turn me numb to the core. I still tell myself I'm fine, though I know deep down, I'm just nothing but an ebbing fool.

Then as easy as a breeze, a silhoette approaches. As the figure grows larger and larger, details becoming clearer, I can feel my heart just pounding with anxiety. The walls of my heart constricted even more than I thought possible. They did not permit outsiders' entry whatsoever.

The silhoette is blurry at first. We talk, we laugh. I thought it all fine, my heart is safe secure. It wouldn't go anywhere, this was nothing but innocent guilty pleasure.

Then came that one moment. This moment occurs for every single person. It is when the image of that person suddenly becomes crystal clear. It could be a smile or a laugh, a tease or a tickle, it could be anything really. But at that second, you just knew that you have fallen into the inevitable, you have fallen into love. Shit.

I did not know this but what I thought was harmless fun and casual talk, held a greater power over me. Through every smile you threw at me I could feel that heart sinking deeper, falling more and more in ways that I could not control.

You're a drug, you.

Oh, It Is Love

how much longer do i have to wait? this helplessness, hopelessness. when will i be able to win the fight for that contentment that i so wish to obtain? i know lying to others may be plausible as a way out from glitches but lying to myself? i've had my fair share. i've had enough and i know if i continue candy-coating my true feelings, i'll eventually lose myself entirely - just floating about in a faze.

in retrospect, i realize that i have a mouth that instinctively spits fiction. i'm okay i'm okay i'm okay, i've moved on from that, everything is fine. i hate how i lie again and again, ultimately hurting everybody and benefiting nobody. and all for what? so i feel better about myself? so i'm somehow partly convinced that the world is turning the way it should? this post will pose as my note to self. a long time is how long i've been stuck in clouded thoughts and fabrications of reality. it's time that i stop, gather what little courage i have left, and face my greatest foe - me.

from now on there is no more denying how exactly much i miss you. oh who cares about what people are gonna say about me. it isn't like as if that whole scene has become some routine of mine that i haven't already dealt with three billion times before.

i miss you like the desert misses the rain or like a fat kid on diet misses cake. without you, i'm just... not happy. honestly i'm not and there hasn't been one day that you don't still cross my mind (and resided there).

it's all very pathetic but i'm glad i've finally, finallyyy come into terms with myself and am able to admit that. i love you and i always will - just as simple as that.

though like all other things in life, there is always a 'but'...

but i won't let this feeling of mine take over control. i refuse to give in to my heart because i know that nothing good will happen in the long run. it'd take a miracle for such a delusion to occur.

these are the things i wanted so badly to rid off my chest. now there are no more secrets and i'm an open book. i will move on with 100% honesty and no more hiding behind masks.

100%

You're a part-time lover and a full-time friend. I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you.

I less than three question mark.

The Wants Of Mine

This is dedicated to all the girls out there. I'm pretty positive this is what most females want from love and romance. Enjoy, comment :)

I want someone that seems like he doesn't care but deep down I know he does.

I want someone that can brighten a blue day with the smallest of smiles.

I want someone that doesn't pretend, is real and true to himself.

I want someone who can or tries to understand the reasons of my sometimes unfathomable actions.

I want him to care but never in obscenity but in sincerity. Never for the sole reason of proving to others what a good person he is.

I want him to know that the little details matter.

Sometimes more than the big purposefully heroic acts do.

I want him to be loyal.

I want honesty, even when it hurts.

I want someone that loves me enough to hold my hair and rub my back if I have to puke down the toilet.

I want someone that gives unexpected hugs and kisses.

I want someone that doesn't tell me he loves me because he feels obligated to, but only if he really believes it. I can tell.

I want someone that convinces me that I look fine in my oldest sweats. And means it.

I want someone that tells me straight-on that he doesn't like my appearance that day. Then offer constructive criticism which I may or may not accept. (hehe)

I want someone whom I can shoot witty comments at and get a clever tease right back without the usual stupid blank look.

I want him to be down to earth and not be one of those boys that bring digital cameras everywhere in case they needed to take pictures of themselves. (and if you're one of these ppl, go shoot yourself.)

I want someone that can have fun and try new things.

I want him to be respectful to all religions, cultures, and race as I try to be. Discrimination is a big turn-off.

I want a person who can love others and himself. Who is able to accept differences and adapt to them. Who understands preferences and individuality.

Yet above all, it is also crucial for him to be somewhat good-looking. That's not too much to ask for now, is it? ;)

The Magnetic Field

Have you never heard of how opposites attract?
How two people with nothing in common whatsoever being able to plummet into deep, conspicuous love? They'd fall into that gaping hole of theirs, stuck there forever with no way out to the world outside.
And guess what? They wouldn't even have mind. Not one bit.

You have brought me doubt, confusion, and desperation. You have lured my long-lost feeling of helplessness in spite of myself. But after all that you've put me through, I just can't stop thinking about you.
Sometimes I see it in your eyes, and they tell me a million things. I feel content of what I see, what I hear. But that isn't until I see your body language. They say this factor is the ultimate tell-tale sign of someone.
That makes me scared.

Now I am torn between the language you pronounce through your eyes and the one you use through your actions. You act like you despise me, escaping left when I'm at right, and right when at left. I would then be positive of your hatred for me, although I couldn't seem to understand the reason why.
Then they come in. They tell me they know. They tell me you love me? They tell me many things that kept me indecisive.
What can I believe? What should I believe?

If magnets can do it, why can't we? North and south, they seem happy together. Connected in ways that outsiders may never be able to comprehend. We are two opposites, we just have to find our way to learn from the magnetic force.

Baby I'll be your north if you'll be my south.

Desire.

Hello, decided to repost some of my favorite entries from my old LJ blog since nobody wants to check it out :( eh, oh well...

The jealousy of others revolving around me is so concrete that it's mighty disturbing.
So thought I'd go off in a weird tangent, with a point of view of a dude for once :)
And uhhh, it maaaayy be based on a few of my guy friends' life stories as well. Hehe.
Not my best, but enjoy!

This brewing jealousy I have inside of me, it's discontenting.
I cannot even begin to imagine anyone else that deserves that beautiful smile of yours, your gentle caressing touch, your piercing eyes to lay on anyone else but me. Inhuman as it is, I believe that you, all of you, should belong to me.

I treasure you like nobody else can. Never would I ever want to hurt nor to harm you as my intentions for you will never expire.
Yet you can't seem to grasp that fact. The fact that I love you with all my heart, eternally. The fact that I am the only that is able to bring the happiness and thorough appreciation that you deserve.

The shine I see in your eyes when you're around him, it troubles me more than it should. I try to pretend, to smile for your sake despite my plummeting heart. Why don't I see that in you when you look at me?
I love you. Does he?

Day and night, I fret. The frustration have adhered on my skin and bones - it is now a part of me. Therefore, in the height of insanity, I'd find the only solution out I can see, to scrape and rid of all that exasperation off of my skin. As my blood flows, all the overwhelming pain I have ever experienced almost feels tangible in the air as it's running condescendingly through my bloodline.


My life without you would be a blur.

Love At First Sight

A poem I made for Bhs Indo class, had to translate it to Indo afterwards ._.

Not (completely) a true story hehe.

On the cold marble ground I sit

The non-existent warmth

Only the cold radiating throughout

My tears, they turn to icicles

Asphyxiated

Suffocated

Limited oxygen eludes me

I gasp for air in sharp, quick breaths

I felt hope drain out from my very soul

My broken lonely heart impossible for repair

Then came a sudden light

I squinted towards it with damp eyes

Through my teardrops I see

The most gorgeous human being

I'm sure anybody has ever seen

I felt a glint of hope flutter deep inside

My hope pounded ferociously in my chest

It wanted out

With every step that you take

There was another intake of essential air for me

You extended an assuring helping hand

An invitation to happiness and protection

To dying love you had revived

Could this be love at first sight?

It's pathetic, really.

"We always ignore the ones who adore us, and adore the ones who ignore us."

I am having dreams about you every night. Sometimes they are beautiful, filled with our moments together replayed over and over again, each time the scenes getting better and better. In these I smile in my sleep, I'd even moan gently however kinky that sounds, I can't give a shit. But the majority of the time, I get these nightmares that leave me asphyxiated, waking up in cold sweat. In these I am falling into a pit, travelling farther and farther until I wake up, just in time, before I hit land. Then in others, I simply see you, with someone else. Anyone else but me. It hurts. I can't even begin to describe how these pained me. I love you, but I just can't let you go.

I don't want to sleep. I don't want to have nightmare after nightmare every night of my life.
However on the other hand, there is another slight possibility for me to dream a pleasurable one with just you and me.
It is excruciating.

I miss you.
I miss the memories we share, now nothing but just memories that can never be relived.
I can't stop thinking about you.
Every song would bring me back to the thought of you.
I need to see you!


I AM GOING CRAZY.

2 in the morning.

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."

Sam Keen

Goodnight. I miss you.