Filler #2

So adorable, Selena *_*

Whenever I feel really tired of being in an LDR because of all the problems that arise, I'd think back to this quote and come back with a renewed purpose to keep the love alive :)

Just really obsessed with their hairs idk whyyy.

Got myself a similar top in a baby blue color! :D

This cracked me up. Oh, 9gag.

:3

American Apparel came out with this nail polish line called Sheer that specially creates that ombre look! Not sure how well it'd actually work though! But it looks super good in the ad.

I would if I could.

Been obsessing over silver jewelery!!!!!!!! It's so difficult to come across quality ones here in Jakarta though :( and I don't trust e-bay (rather, idk how to operate it hehe).

"Would you lay with me and just forget the world?"

Have a great night everyone! :)

Ayyy, whaddup!

Omg somebody needs to teach me the trick on how to pick a flattering thumbnail picture -_-

:')

I know many people give me crap about the amount and/or the frequency in which I put on my makeup. It has gotten to the point where even when I haven't a stitch of makeup on, nobody believes me, saying how I'm just hiding behind my mask, hiding the true person that I am, bla di bla.

Yes I have to admit that it's difficult for me to go out, meet people, and be completely confident without makeup to hide the insecurities that I have. I acknowledge that I'm not this perfect person and I can never be that perfect person even with five tonnes of makeup piled onto my face... I guess you could say I'm still in that learning process. I'm learning to accept myself - warts and all. I'm also learning to accept the fact that not everybody will do the same. There will be talk regardless of whatever decision one makes. You can never win with society. You put makeup on, people call you vain, egocentric, or "secretly ugly". You go au naturalé, people say you're fugly as a baboon's butt. Point is, with whatever it is that you do, do it for yourself. Nobody else lives your life better than you do!

The video I embedded above is a 12-minute long vlog by Jen from Youtube's frmheadtotoe. I randomly clicked on the video, not paying too much attention to what she was saying at first. But I have to say by the end of it, I was completely moved by her honesty and bravery for showing her thousands of viewers how she looked like bare-faced. She has definitely changed my perspective on makeup. I realized how I depended too much on makeup to boost my self-confidence. Makeup can definitely do that to a woman, but it shouldn't be seen as a necessity, which was what it was quickly becoming for me. Anyway if you have the time please watch the video, girls! It doesn't matter if you're someone who wears makeup or not, but she talks a lot about body image and insecurities, which I'm sure every single person struggles with :)

I'm not saying that I'm giving makeup up altogether because let's face it, I still love it and how it's so close to magic haha. But I now see it in a different light - just a tool that we may or may not choose to utilize. With that said... requested makeup tutorial coming up! Been busy lately will try to film this weekend hehe kbye.

-T

Holy Grail Makeup Products

So this post is dedicated to all those girls (and guys I guess, no judgment) who requested a makeup-related post! I tried filming a makeup tut but decided it sucked due to lack of equipment (lighting, tripod, good camera). S'all good though! I'm gonna be talking about some of my Holy Grail products instead. I don't go a week without these babies.

Hope you enjoy and find this informative :)

My NARS trio palette! Got it at NYC's Sephora for about 40 bucks. Pretty reasonable pricing for NARS merch.

Haha as you can see I've hit bottom with the 'Laguna' bronzer. I usually sweep it on with an angled blush brush on the sides of my cheeks or bridge of my nose - giving my face more definition. I only contour when I really need to though... like on weekends or bloated days!

The middle color is just your regular, white highlight color. It has a golden shimmery tinge to it that I'm not a big fan of. I have an oily complexion so any shimmer just adds to all the sliminess.

On the very left is 'Orgasm' blush, NARS ultimate favorite! Lots of girls around the world looooove this shade, probably cos there's that gold shimmer to it again. It gives my face more life and true to its name, makes me look like I just had an... well okay let's just say a pleasant time LOL. I'm just kidding guys it's a joke.

URBAN DECAY'S NAKED PALETTE NUMERO UNO <3

12 shades of pure awesome. All these colors are so so so so pigmented! Well idk if I should say "colors" since they aren't very colorful eh? They're all of a neutral disposition, I suppose. Browns, creams, black. They glide on the eyelids very easily and stays put too. I still put primer all over my eyes beforehand though, because that oily eye makeup look ain't so pretty, don't you think?

Here's the Urban Decay Primer Potion that I absolutely love! I swear this thing keeps your eye makeup on so well, you could survive a tsunami and still look fab with your smokey eyes HAHA.

My favorite matte lipstick evuuuuur. MAC's in the shade 'Kinda Sexy'. It's so sexy guys.

Here's me with 'Kinda Sexy' on my lips. The retard that I am, I edited all these pictures so they look super washed-out... and now you can hardly see the lipstick shade accurately. Good job Titan.

Anyway, it's a nude color with a tinge of pink? Peach? Coral? I have absolutely no idea how to describe the color properly but it's just so nice and unique gaiseee <3 you just gottaaaa check it out at your nearest MAC counter kk, promise? K.

Lancome's Ampilcils Mascara! Unfortunately they discontinued this type : ( but unlike Lancome's other mascaras like Hypnose or that retarded vibrating one, this one is lighter and isn't too drama - perfect for daily wear! The brush applicator really distinguish each and every tinyass lash, making sure they are all evenly coated :D

Let me just say, I'm a HUGE fan of mascara and I never go a day without it. I have really blant eyes and they always look like potatoes (hahhahhahahhaha ok ngaco) without any makeup. A single coat of mascara fixes it though! Immediately I'd look so much more awake, bright-eyed, and alive. With that said, I've tried out lots of different mascaras but so far Ampilcils does it BEST. It keeps the curl extremely well on my lashes, though the experience does differ from one girl to the next.

Just the best eyeliners in the world :)

Revlon's ColorStay for liquid eyeliner and Make Up Forever's Aqua Eyes for pencil!!! Trust me there's nothing better!

2011 Nutshell && Lessons Learnt

*Warning: long post with swearing ahead! This is how I talk naturally when I'm not trying to be all poetic like in my other posts so if you're a sensitive prick then go check out my PG-13 paraphenalia instead mwah*

Events are in somewhat chronological order!

This year was a precious one. 365 days (okay I know technically not yet since we're only halfway through with December but bear with me here) of maturity miles and big smiles, painful tears accompanied by mascara smears.

I lived this year and am with no regrets. Yeah, it wasn't the best (omg I gotta stop rhyming my words lol), but I'd give myself a gazillion pats on the back to have pulled through like a fucking boss.

In all fairness, 2010 was a tough year to beat. I fell in love and stayed there... and let me just tell you it was a wonderful feeling. Reading through the pages of my diary, it's like I'm reliving those times as they all come to me in an almost tangible rage. But as I flip through and through, I realized that my penmanship began to mutate. I began to discover love really wasn't a gentle bed of roses, they were right. Love may seem like a harmless sea of crimson red roses that you want to sink in but when you do, you sink then you sink then you sink till you're caught by all those throbbing thorns.

Then you want to get out.

So I got out. It was a rash decision but it happened and I thought I would be free from the manacles of those thorns. But was I really? Idk but all I know is I grew, no, fuck that, I freaking metamorphosed from that experience - my first proper heartbreak. Haha, aaaand that's all I'm going to say about that segment of 2011 :)

Let's see, what else? I had my first proper birthday dinner with 30 of my closest friends in what seemed like forever. The last time I celebrated my birthday was when I was wee-little, seven or eight summers old at most. So you can imagine how uneasy I felt. I guess behind my image of comfortable confidence and slight insanity, I'm just a little bird that fell from the oak tree that wounded its little wing. Did I successfully make you hurl there? :D Wonderpul.

Nobody really knows about this little private party of mine because the only cameras at that time were mine and Enriko's and I strictly forbade him against posting any pictures on Facebook. Here's one polaroid shot of the night though cos I'm one narcissistic bitch and I liked my cake so there:

To be brutally honest although the dinner was special and all, it was no game compared to our aaafftteerrrparty! :D My girlfriends and I went out to this underage club - which is horrid btw - but had the best time anyways. We went wild and had one of the best nights of our lives just ignoring the rest of this bullshit world and its bullshit components. We didn't even consume that much booze hahaha! Whenever some loser boy tried to hit on any one of us I'd literally yell right at their faces, telling them to pissssssss ooofffffffff. I was in a dark, man-hating phase at that time so pardon me k? :D

Ok another substantial event of 2011 would most probably be my drastic change of appearance! See, I've never been comfortable with my looks. I was always too something. Too chubby here, too small there, too big there, too short there, and too fugly overall. I wouldn't say I'm the worst of all cases in relation to self-esteem, for there are some pretty fucked up mental girls out there. But yes I'm a girl and that's what girls do. They pick at themselves and live everyday trying to refine themselves and polish parts that have already been polished multiple times. I fell into society's ideal. Large eyes with hypnotizing irises, sculpted bone structure, neat nose, defined lips and the list goes on.

I noticed some girls at my school would have swollen eyes for about three weeks which eventually turned into pretty, deep-lined, eyelids. Trust me they were pretty before, but my being shallow and all, I thought whatever procedure they did, it made them even prettier. I have always liked how high brow bones and a visible set of deep eyelids gave the eyes more life and 'sparkle'. So I decided I'd ask them what it is exactly that they did to their eyes.

Turns out it wasn't plastic surgery. I'm not too sure what it's called in English but when directly translated from Bahasa Indonesia, it's "eye clipping" aka "jepit mata". It isn't permanent and does not involve surgical knives of any kind but shit that pain felt pretty surgical to me! I'm no expert but what I think she did was FREAKING SEW A LINE OF THREAD ON EACH OF MY EYELIDS. I felt nothing when she did the actual sewing, but when she injected about six shots of anesthesia(?) on the flap of my eyelids, it was like holy mother of God sweet baby Jesus save me. But anyways I endured the pain - three months of bruised, swollen, uglyass, bloody eyelids. Good times, good times.

Before eye clipping:

After four months and completely not swollen anymore!:

No makeup in this picture whatsoever so you can see the eyes clearly.

Ok, I know the change isn't that evident in these pictures but people that have seen me in real life will definitely notice it. Definitely. Everybody says I look like a different person from year to year regardless but I gotta agree, I did change a lot this year specifically!

You can see the line on my eyelid very clearly here.

I also learned how immensely I believe in the natural law of CHICKS BEFORE DICKS. A few months ago, I was put at a crossroad with an indirect ultimatum from my bestfriend. It was my call, she would have supported me nonetheless, whatever that call turned out to be. At first, I was fazed and being the pathetic weakling that I was during summer break, I actually hesitated for a bit. In the end, I chose them, of course. I know nothing must break the bond of trust I have with my friends. I know they're the ones who don't lie about loyalty and will actually go through with their promises. Unlike 99% of the men on the face of this planet, my girlfriends are, ironically, men of their words. They don't whisper sweet nothings like men do, I mean, they are called nothings for a reason.

<34evah for Muhammed :*

Hi reader, are you still reading up to this point? Haha you must be really interested in my unorthodox life or just freakishly "kepo", huh? The more I flip through my memory bank of 2011, the more I realized how inappropriate it'd be for me to continue writing in this post! Oh and not to mention, some events just deserve a blog post of its own ;) #cliffhanger #sparkcuriousity #advertisingtechnique #nowyouwillcomebackformore

I think I've both embarassed and exposed myself enough for a night, one can only reveal so much hehehe. In retrospect, I'm glad to say that I can look back onto this year and wear a smile on my face.

I've freaking lived this year to its ultimate fullest potential sonnn, any more and I'm dead :)

CHEERS TO ANOTHER GREAT YEAR!