Heart Vs. Mind

Taken by Olen Riyanto, styled by Vanessa Suriato, and edited by yours truly.

For those of you who know me personally, you should know how much of a realist I am when it comes to... well, when it comes to anything, really.

I like to lay down the hard facts. I like lists of pros and cons. I like to make decisions based on logic logic logic - sometimes even bordering insensitive and cruel. For years I've wondered why this is. It has always been rare of me to act upon feelings because somehow I felt that whenever I gave in to my heart, things WILL go bad. I never trusted my heart; logic > emotions.

Well I guess a big part of my realist disposition comes from the ideas my parents and elder brothers have been hammering into me since ever. It is almost like a chant...

1. All men are jerks. Never fall too deep. Always be wary.

2. Love isn't powerful enough to trump all things. It isn't the only thing that keeps the world going round.

3. When things get serious, always bring the boy home for the parents to see. "We can tell what kind of a person he is through his facial features." (Apparently I'm not allowed to marry people with eyes that sort of pop-out... cos they're "evil" -_-)

Yeah anyways you guys get the point! This list goes on lol trust me. As ridiculous as these rules may sound, for some reason whenever I stray from them, something bad happens. Coincidence? Idk, but I always figured that playing by these rules won't do me any harm.

...It wasn't until recently when someone taught me it was time that I just chill the f out. Apparently my doubts for this person really showed through, even though I had no intention to come across as this constantly suspicious little bitch. I never thought my untrusting nature could actually hurt people. From then on, I realized that, yeah, it's difficult for me to believe whatever anybody says to me. Even the slightest things people say - more specifically compliments - I wave it off as polite, small talk and don't pay attention to those words.

My realist mentality was beginning to change my character and even alienate myself from people that truly cared.

So from that day onwards, I decided it was time that I build trust for others. I've always preached about how relationships (both romantic and non-romantic) are based on trust, loyalty, and compatibility. But what a hypocrite I was to not trust others but expect it in return! I can't forever blame myself everytime somebody disappoints me. Besides, I chose to let these people in my life, and whether they end up breaking or making me, I now know it's completely in their power... absolutely nothing I can do to stop it.

There will be times of heartache, times of loss, and times of betrayal. But never forget the flip side to these mishaps - laughter, life, and love. We should all learn to listen to our heart, fall in love when we want to, do whatever the hell we feel is right, and take risks because who knows what great things might come out of it?