Six Signs To Let Him Go

Today, I will be touching up on the topic of breakups, or more specifically, the prospect of breaking up with your significant other. Let’s be honest, shall we? You clicked on this link for a reason. Maybe you’re whole-heartedly, tear-jerkingly, heads over heels in love. Or maybe, just maybe, there is a teensy-weensy bit of doubt snuggling in the darkest corners of your heart. Well whatever team you’re on, fret not my friend, I am here to either cast away those doubts or - ehem - confirm them. If this was unbeknownst to you, I am in fact a female, so this post will be directed for the women. However, you boys can go ahead and apply it to your own circumstances with your fair lady.

1. You don’t see a future with him. Things could be swell at the moment, but there seems to be several loopholes here and there where you two just don’t talk about and ignore. The future. Perhaps it’s due to the fact that both of you realise that it could lead to a painful heartbreak where your future plans don’t see eye-to-eye. It could be anything, really. He could have mentioned a five-year program where he has to study abroad during brunch but you chose to look past it and nod nonchalantly. He could be somebody who doesn’t wish to have children but conversely, you absolutely adore kids and would want your generation to pass on. He wants to marry somebody that will be a stay-at-home wife but you feel like you have your own dreams and aspirations to chase. The two of you have vastly different beliefs and are secretly just waiting for the other to change their beliefs to match yours. This is especially true for couples that believe in different religions and are inflexible with their state of mind. As difficult as it is to accept it, love is NOT everything in a relationship. It is the most amazing and the most important PART of a relationship because without love, there is no relationship. But if you have love but everything else has gone to utter shit, then there might as well be no relationship. If your lives are heading towards different directions and there is no way to fix up a harmonious future together - let him go.

2. You are constantly looking for a better substitute. You love him, you treasure him, and you feel lucky to be with him… but why is that guy in the corner so goddarn cute? Hey, it’s completely okay and healthy to have crushes. Yes, your boyfriend probably crushes on other attractive girls too. These innocent crushes don’t involve any feelings whatsoever, but you just so happen to find someone else besides your S.O to be charming and funny, and you appreciate these traits about them. However, if you start feeling flustered or get little tingles of butterflies when these ‘crushes’ are around, or if you start wondering about how much better it’d be if you were dating this guy or that guy, then girl, you need to check yourself. This is entirely not okay and maybe you’re just not that in love with your guy to begin with. When you’re in love with somebody, you just know they are The One. He may not be the best-looking, the wealthiest, or the most popular guy out there, but he’s perfect in your eyes. Nobody else can compare to how you feel when you’re with him. 

3. He makes you feel like crap about yourself. Relationships are supposed to bring you up, not down. Life is already tough as it is, you do not need the weight of a displeasing, mean, and bitter man on your shoulders. Your significant other should be your biggest cheerleader (second to your mom, of course), always rooting for all your endeavours and goals. If he isn’t giving you the support that you need, badmouthing your opinions, or worse of all, laughing at your dreams, then chuck him into the farthest man bin you can find. This is one aspect of how a relationship could make you feel bad about yourself. Another would be the worst of its kind, he’s making you think that you’re not good enough. Either he’s constantly talking about how gorgeous hoe A or hoe B are and never giving you credit for all the work you did to look good for him, or that he’s always criticising every little thing about you. If he doesn’t make you feel like a better person, then how do you expect to live on feeling belittled every single day?

4. You have nothing in common. There’s that phrase “opposites attract”, and I suppose in some circumstances it is valid. However, I’m talking about couples that don’t enjoy the same things whatsoever, and would spend most of their time away from each other to do stuff that their S.O doesn’t like. He is the type of guy that absolutely cannot stay still, and enjoys activities such as hiking, going to museums, or marathon running. Whereas on the other hand, you just love to unwind once in a while and do absolutely nothing but watch DVD’s on the couch and cuddle. If you two have zero similar interests, it would be difficult to spend quality time together if you’re always fighting about what to do on dates, or feeling forced to do something you dislike. 

5. Neither of you are putting in any effort anymore. Gone are the days of lightning speed text replies, spontaneous romantic gestures, and late night car rides. Let’s be real, honeymoon romance does not last forever, but that does not mean that the sacrifices that you make for your love should end. If you feel like he no longer prioritises you nor the things that you care about… If he cancels on you one too many times and for silly reasons too… Then wave goodbye to that man. The effort to stay in touch - physically and emotionally - should perpetuate till death does you part. This effort should come from both sides; a healthy balance goes a long way. Love should persist even after you’ve reached the Comfortable Stage. Even though people say that butterflies eventually disappear, I like to think that the butterflies simply go to sleep. Once in a while, on a cute movie night in, or when he sends you a bouquet of flowers “just because”, the butterflies will awaken. However, if he doesn’t try to revive those butterflies anymore, this is when you should chuck the relationship down the drain.

6. The Unforgivables. Ok. If you received your acceptance letter to Hogwarts like I did, *har har har wishful thinking Titan* then you’ll know the Unforgivable curses that are absolutely, unquestionably, unequivocally, inexcusable!!! In Muggle world, these would be: cheating and abuse. Cheating proves to you that he does not value the relationship and your undying loyalty and thus lacks respect for you. He is selfish - gratifying his temporal satisfaction without considering the consequences of breaking your heart. If he hits you or yells curses at you that would give your mother a chronic heart-attack - you deserve better. Do you really want to live the rest of your life being afraid of your love? Cowering in the corner when he returns home intoxicated and violent? No. No woman nor man, deserves such dehumanizing treatment.

Nevertheless, with every opinionated verdict I make, I come with a disclaimer. You can put this list into consideration - do what you have to - with tact. Relationships are never black and white, there are grey areas and only you and your partner know that relationship fully and completely. Who am I to judge for I am nobody but your loyal online friend, cheers and keep on loving folks xx

Love, T

Youtube update!

Sorry for the abrupt blog hiatus guys :(
I've been swamped with juggling school and social life that everything else has been deemed irrelevant hahaha. This is a video update by my good friends and I during the potluck I hosted this weekend. Hope you enjoy it and don't forget to share with your friends xx

A note to my future

How I Got Rid Of My Acne

Hi all!

So if you guys don't already know, I have an ask.fm profile where I regularly reply to questions from anonymous people. The questions vary anywhere from what the meaning of life is, how I apply my makeup, or how often I workout (HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA never). One of the topics that people would repetitiously ask me about is my skincare. What I did to cure my acne, how I keep my skin clear and how to avoid future breakouts. Instead of continuously repeating my answers to these questions, I'm going to compile it all into one post to help everyone out yeah? :D

I was first diagnosed with acne (LOL) when I was about 15 years old. It started out with several colourless bumps protruding on my forehead. I think they were nothing but just whiteheads. Prior to this, I never had any issues with my complexion before, so naturally, I freaked out. My mom brought me to a dermatologist to get it checked out, and the doctor gave me some creams or whatever, I don't remember the details. If I knew what would happen next, I would've dropped those products right then and there, stormed out of the clinic, and thank the heavens for the disaster that I had just averted.

The dermatologist warned me that the creams would bring out all the dirty substances buried within my skin, so it would get bad before it got better. Well, it got bad alright. Really, really bad. I was hopeful for the first two weeks, red and inflamed pimples formed on my forehead but I kept reapplying the products, waiting for my skin to clear up. It never did. That was when my mom and I decided to ditch any treatments from derms and keep it simple with products from our local pharmacies.

It was an extremely long hunt until I finally found the right combination of products that worked for my skin. I went from dermatologist to dermatologist, I tried all sorts of different skincare brands from the high-end ones to the cheaper drugstore ones, I drank different pills, even changed my hairstyle around so that no hair would be in my face. After a few depressing months of hating my appearance and having zero self-esteem, my skin FINALLY began to get better.

This is my holy grail combo of products that healed my complexion:

Every morning and night, I would drink this pill from SariAyu. I'm not sure how influential this was in my skincare, but I'm including it here because it worked with the rest of the products. Ask your local pharmacy for this, they should have it stocked somewhere.

The brand that worked wonders for me is called Avène. It is a skincare brand from France and that's all I really know about it. It cures acne and is pretty affordable - perfect, right? I washed my face twice a day with Avène's facial wash, it's the one on the far left. It is non-abrasive, leaves your skin feeling squeaky clean, and doesn't have an offensive scent. After you wash your face, cleanse your face further with the toner. Pour several drops of the toner on a cotton pad and wipe thoroughly on the entirety of your face and neck. What this does is it cleans any remaining residue of dirt or makeup on the inner layers of your epidermis, it also seeps into your skin with its magical contents. I also used the spot treatment from this Cleanance line but that didn't do much for me. You can try the moisturizer and the other products because I don't remember what I tried out. The facial wash and toner are the only products that stuck, up till now. I still use these two products today marking... how many years of me being a loyal customer? Avène should sponsor me. *wink*

These products are available in Watsons.

Whenever I felt a zit about to arise, I would quickly apply spot cream before it had any chance to grow. Of course I also applied it on existing pimples. For the life of me I cannot remember the exact cream I used back then, but this is what I use now and it works very well. There's an OXY5 and an OXY10, I have both, but I prefer the one with 10% Benzoyl Peroxide because I'm badass like that. Just kidding. It works faster, and I find that it breaks apart the inflamed pore within one night's sleep and deflates the bump before it's had its chance to grow and ruin my weekend. Woohoo!

OXY5 and OXY10 is available in pharmacies in Singapore.

Are you ready for the holy grail of all holy grails? I put all my gratitude on this one item. I have reason to believe this is the one thing that contributed to my healing. 

Ta-da!!! These orange pills helped me a TON in managing my skin while it was on its way to recovery. They are meant to reduce your oil production and in turn, reduce sebum production as well. Say goodbye to clogged pores! I had and still do have disgustingly oily skin, and I need to go through many means to keep my frying pan face at bay. When my skin was very bad back then, I drank a pill a day. Today, I keep it to about two pills every week. This is because the downside to it is that it does strip your skin of all its moisture. The skin on and around my lips began to crack, my nose was dry with flaky patches, and my cheeks were dehydrated. However, my forehead, which was my trouble spot, began to stop producing nasty, red, puss-filled, pimples. I don't know for sure what these pills are, I have been told that they work like Accutane, but I can't be sure that they are those drugs for real. Accutane pills look slightly more elongated, and the pills I take are completely circular. To get your hands on these pills, call Dr. Sunita in Sunter and ask her about the "orange acne pills that are round and small" hahahaha! I'm sure they know exactly what you're referring to. Here's the clinic's number: (021) 65307933

A huge misconception about oily skin is that we should do everything to keep our face as dry and as dehydrated as the Sahara desert. This is not true. We should never skip moisturizer because "our faces are oily enough." Instead, we should use a moisturizer that is light and absorbs into the skin. This is because we're trying to trick our skin into thinking that it has enough moisture, so more oil production isn't required. If we washed our faces five times a day and stripped our skin of the moisture that it needs, then the oil glands will produces more and more oil to make up for the loss of moisture on the complexion. Comprende? :D 

With that being said, the moisturizer I use is Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel, not the cream. The cream is for those with dry skin! This moisturizer is available in Sephora, or any shopping mall department store with a Clinique stand.

To wrap this post up, I would like to say that you should never, ever give up on the hope that one day you will get that awesome complexion you've always wanted to have! I held on to the hope that my complexion would one day be alright again, and that this was just a little blip down the road. I know how you feel because I've been there. I used to always cover my trouble spots up with hair (albeit I knew that it'd make situations even worse), a cap, or concealer. I felt so insecure and couldn't look anyone in the eyes because I always had a nagging feeling that they were staring at how ugly my pimples were. I avoided parties and social gatherings, felt apologetic about the way I looked to my boyfriend at the time, and was pretty much on the brink of depression. I would look at my friends and relatives and wondered if they knew how lucky they were to have such flawless skin. I didn't take any pictures for the whole year, I wish I did so I could share my full honest journey here with you guys today. But remember that sometimes, we are our biggest critics. The people that I thought were staring at my face weren't really staring at all, it was nothing but my colossal insecurity eating away at my confidence. How do I know this? Because when I bring up my phase of terrible skin to my friends, only one out of twenty remember it. Meaning the rest of the nineteen people never noticed what was secretly killing me inside. My skin isn't perfect to this day and I'm still experimenting with my own complexion to get it to its very prime. I get a pimple or a whitehead now and then, especially during that time of the month ladies, if you know what I mean. Beauty isn't only skin-deep guys, please remember that beauty is your choice. It shines from within. The brightest of smiles will conceal all the imperfections in the world :-)

This is what my skin looks like today :)

Why We Shouldn't Date Until We're 18 (or older)

Ok, I know the title of this post makes it sound like I regretted all the relationships I had before my 18th birthday but no this isn't the case really. I have no regrets in life; I have full gratitude for those who have come into my life, the ones that stayed and even those that left. Every individual I let into my life has touched me (my heart not my body, get your mind out of the gutter) in one way or another and made me this person today. And you know what, I like me - even with all my flaws and baggage and bruises.

That being said, I still think that younger teens (because I'm still a teen right?) should refrain from dating before they turn into an 18 year-old "adult" as pronounced as the legal document the government presents to you. Yes, I understand how age is just a number, and that age does not define maturity blah di blah but hear me out here. I just had to say my say on this topic. Why? Because these days, thirteen year-olds are singing their hearts out to Breakeven by The Script. Because preteens are talking about how their breakup has ruined them, ruined any prospect of loving again, and start cutting to take away that emotional pain. Nigga, what?

I understand that kids these days are admittedly more mature than kids of generation Y. As our society evolves, the exposure to the real world is growing more and more rapidly. It's the media and how they portray being in a relationship as something that's compulsary and if you don't have a boy/girlfriend you're lame and "forever alone." You are NOT forever alone, you're just single at the moment. There's nothing wrong with that, hell, there's so many things right with that! Singledom is something to celebrate and enjoy, not something we should be embarassed about and to mourn about. I'm only turning 19 this year, I've still got so much to learn, so much to experience, and am nowhere near settling down.

Chances are, being teenagers of such a tender age, we still have to struggle with a lot of adolescent feelings such as low self-esteem, confusion about what's right and what's not, and most of us probably have those days where we just hate ourselves and wished we were somebody else. It happens, doesn't it? Because guys, self-love takes a lot of courage and time to accomplish. We all have our insecurities, be it physical or emotional insecurity. Growing up is learning to deal with these unstable emotions that we have about ourselves and our changing world. Growing up doesn't mean getting your first kiss or driving your first car. It's deciding the identity we want to have amongst our peers, where you want to go in the path of life, and how we are gonna get there.

Without loving yourself first, how do you expect your heart to have enough strength to muster love for another? Or for someone else to love you, the person you don't even like yourself. When you love yourself, you know your positives and negatives. You learn to accept and deal with your negatives, and then you bring out the positive characteristics that embody you. People will fall for you, you sexy person you. But true love won't happen if you're always nitpicking at yourself, or even worse, nitpicking at other girls because you're just that insecure. Bringing other people down to a level that you think is lower than yours does not help, it chases people away - nobody likes someone that talks sh*t :)

Relationships take up a great amount of time and effort. When two people decide to be together, there are certain boundaries to be made. You aren't allowed to hang out one-on-one with people of the opposite sex. You aren't allowed to attend parties even if you really, really want to. You have to choose between your friends and your partner on the weekends. Your single friends are free to roam and socialize with new people everyday, building their network and making memories, and what are you doing? Staying home and crying about how your boyfriend chatted up another girl in another school? There's plenty of time to do that later.

Ever heard adults say this phase, "I was young and stupid"? That's because we are young and stupid right now, just like they were. Young people make stupid decisions, it's true. We think we're always right and our parents "just don't understand." They do understand, more than you think. They were indeed, quote unquote, young and stupid once before. They made their foolish mistakes when they were younger and parents would want nothing else but their own children that they love to refrain from making those same mistakes. Most parents don't want their kids to date at too young an age because we can't decipher the rights from the wrongs yet (read: MTV's 16 and Pregnant). Being in love at a young age could be jeopardizing because love intensifies stupidity. Haha. I can vouch for that.

Besides our unstable (or for my indo friends, labil) feelings, we also have unstable plans for the future. Where will I go to school? What major will I take? What am I passionate in? These years of adolescence are the years of most change, in my opinion. These are the make-or-break moments that we won't be able to redo, ever. Some of my friends are changing their dreams just so they can go to school in the city that their lover is staying in. Your boyfriend or girlfriend's opinion of your future could also leave you jaded and even more confused than you would have already been without them. Why put your own ambitions on the line when you should really be going for your dreams, full force, full speed ahead? It's difficult to keep a relationship alive with someone far, far away. Especially when you're still young, you should be out and about, exploring the foreign culture (granted you moved away for school), the people, and just... not be tied up.

I have many other reasons as to why I think people shouldn't date before 18. But that's all for now. I hope nobody takes offense to this because I'm definitely not telling you to do anything. If you're already dating, great, I'm wholeheartedly happy for you and hope all goes well for you. But if you're not and you're in the stages where you're considering whether you should find someone special or not, then all I'm saying is just to think about it thoroughly. I wish I could've done more with my pre-teenhood. To be honest, I'm a damaged girl in some ways because of this exact reason, I grew up too quickly. I should have clicked the pause button and realized that growing up is something I should enjoy at a slow pace :)


With love, T

lately i'm falling for you

Today I received a message from a former classmate of mine from highschool. We were never really close, but I have always had a liking towards her. She's one of those beautiful, unique-looking (in the best way) girls with a unique and rare personality to match. I always knew she wasn't like the other girls who gossiped or judged or cared for trivial matters. I hope she doesn't mind, but I wanted to share parts of her message to me on this blog:

"Hay girl !!

I came across your blog the other day, remembering in 8th grade how cool it was that you blogged, and so I checked it out again for the first time in 4 years. Forgive my stalker ish behavior.
But I read some of your posts. I realized how genuinely emotional and intellectual you are - frankly, the pictures I see of you on facebook do you no justice, sorry if that came out offensive. Cause on facebook, you didn't seem like the type who wrote, and exposed your feelings and intellectual inclinations. I just felt this urge to let you know, you're pretty darn incredible and strong for a girl who's gone through lots. I look up to you, and while this may seem weird coming from a younger person, I want to share a piece of advice - don't so easily give in to emotional intimacy, especially to men who aren't interested in hardcore commitment and selfless love. cause most of these men leave as soon as their infatuation fades.

above all else, guard your heart, ok? for most things flow from how well it's been treated and preserved. I hope your strength doesn't fade. It doesn't matter if I don't know you too well, I'm here if you need support/love/care/tear bucket."

Thank you, N, for the kind words :') much love!

Sometimes in life, it's these little things that bring you up and uplift you into greater spirits. When a random but caring passerby pops into your life to give you strength. It means so much and gives me hope. Life has been pretty confusing for me these past few months. I have been happy most of the time, lonely sometimes, but numb all the time. It's weird. I haven't cried in what seems like record-breaking time. My heart isn't hurting anymore but it isn't beating, my stomach doesn't flutter, and nothing takes my breath away. Though I'm content, I don't feel... me. Does this make any sense? Am I the only one who's going through this? I don't know, but I know that I have loving people surrounding me and I am beyond blessed and grateful for that. I am learning to love again and learning to trust the way I did (though maybe never back to 100% haha). I'm healing and just like a broken bone, I'm growing back stronger than before. Things are really looking up for me and I hope all is well with all of you's!

Love, Titan

• 
  

It hurts

Crazy how simple words, or rather a simple word - singular - can hurt you. What did I do to make you want to hurt me that badly? I'm just keeping myself busy, surrounding myself with positivity and people and experiences. Do you not remember the night you wiped tears from my eyes all night? Do you not remember the promises?

I'm angry at you but I wish you all the best because you know what? The best is yet to come for me. And it sure as hell doesn't involve you.

1:48 AM - the strangers that change your life

Just got back from Clarke Quay to hang out with some new friends I made within this week. One of them is a man who's so warm and friendly, one of those people that you just wanted to be friends with. Anyway, he is a child psychologist and from what I see, I'm sure he is a very great one at that. He's insightful and empathetic, qualities that are quintessential for a psychologist. Him and I, and our other friends, we talked about our dreams and aspirations over drinks last night at Kudeta. It got to be a pretty deep conversation about what we've always wanted to achieve as kids and up to this very moment. Dreams that were prominent early in life but just slowly dissipated into nothingness... You know the ones. The dreams that you let reality "crush", the dreams that your parents disapprove of, the dreams you gave up on before even trying because you were too afraid of failure.

When it was my turn to share what my dream was, I struggled a little bit telling them. I think this was mostly due to the fact that saying it out loud confirmed that I was not chasing this very ambition. "I have always wanted to take psychology," I said. I went on to explaining how I've always had a pull towards it regardless of the fact that I've never actually taken an official class on it. I also said how I didn't have any idea what my end goal was, whether I'd be working in psychology within a company, or a specialized psychologist for patients, whether I'd be writing a book relating to it, or whatever. I told them how I'm in diploma level studying business management because that was what my dad felt was best for me, what was safe. I agree to some extent, because business is in fact a "safe" ledge for most people, and whatever it is that I plunge into, knowledge in business will definitely come in handy. I'm not saying that I hate the things I'm studying, but I can't say I love it. I do enjoy some of my classes because it's a pretty interesting area to study. However, there's no passion. I could be a great businesswoman one day, but would I be happy doing it? Would the money feel like happiness?

After I told them all of the above, they nodded because I think they understood completely what I meant about parental pressure and neglected dreams. Adam did not say much but nodded. Fast forward a day later, when we were having tea (yes, tea at 12 am) in Clarke Quay with some of the others, Adam suddenly nudged me and said, "hey Titan, about what you said last night, I think you should really pursue psychology." I was, well, surprised and a little taken aback. I asked him why he thought that, what led him to it. He said he could feel that I have a knack for listening and truly caring for what other people have to say. He said I had empathy, which is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another (so like Jasper in Twilight ok bad joke). Then he said, "and when you talked about your dream, it just confirmed it."

I was a little speechless. Adam knows very little about me and I know little of him, but sometimes what a stranger sees is what is true. What is laid out in the open and what is raw. Adam told me he was sure that I'd thrive as a psychologist and that even though I say job opportunities as a psychologist in Indonesia aren't so good, I'd love every moment of it. 'Cos it's not about the money. It's not about the prestige. It's just doing what makes you happy and reaching your full potential as a person.

I'm sitting in the darkness of my living room and I have to be up in a few hours but I really just wanted to pour my thoughts out before I sleep. I am confused about where I'm going in life, but of course, I'm a baby at only 18 years old. But I suppose I'll have plenty of time to consider what I truly want and what path I want to march on. And with that, goodnight to anyone that's reading this, I hope this post has made you think about yourself and I hope you could relate.

*names have been changed lol*

Love, T

All we had were fragments

Sooooooo it's been a while huh? :p
I haven't posted in what feels like forever! Truth is, I have been active on this blog. It's just that I could never muster enough courage to click the 'post' button and let out my innermost thoughts and emotion for everyone to analyze and judge. I wrote the passage below on the 20th of April earlier this year, it is now October. I've left it to marinate, so to speak, in the list of drafts in my dashboard, waiting for the right time to post it (or never post it). I like to rant to myself then wait it out a few months and see how I have grown since. The emotions that I can still feel from reading my own words are... strong. I am glad to say that I have been able to climb myself out of the emotional ditch that I lowered myself in. I buried myself in the deep hatred and self-loathing that I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now, many months later, I do. I am stronger, stronger to break out of the relationships that were tying me down, stronger to face the world and the continuous challenges that will be thrown towards me, and I feel free :)
I can breathe now.

20 April '13
Two words can sum up my version of this year: downward spiral.
I say "my version" because I look at my surroundings and my family/friends/acquaintances, they seem to be having a blast in 2013. Promotions, new love, new hobbies, new successes. As much as my heart smiles in joy at their happiness, I wonder what happened with mine. My happiness.
Everything that I believed in and that made me genuinely happy turned out to be a lie.

Whatever that has gone right turns out to be nothing more than a contorted version of reality - all in my head. The bestfriendship that I thought would last a lifetime was crushed in one fleeting moment. The person that played a big part in all my good days, turned out to be the same person that would take away the good in all my days. How was she able to smile and joke around with me like she hadn't already done the worst thing imaginable? Scratch that. It wasn't even imaginable, it was too bad of a crime that nobody in their right mind would be able to see it coming. It's one thing when a bad person you don't even know maliciously hurts you, but it's another, when the culprit is none other but your bestfriend, the person you would typically run to for comfort. The person you trusted 100%. The level of disappointment is undescribable and it's a pain I would never wish on anyone, not even on my worst enemy.

As if that wasn't enough, what I used to think was the love of my life, had to take part in the pain. Unexpected was the word. Naive is my name. No matter how sweet the words, and how much I want to believe in them, nothing can make me move on from the bitterness boiling inside me. I can forgive but will I truly forget? I broke down all my barriers and neglected my principles, and for what? To please someone that had no intention of pleasing me back. To satisfy an insatiable cause. Never should've invested that much feelings in us.

Second Guessing

You fight for what you want. But what if it didn't turn out to be what you expected it to be? Then suddenly you're unsure if you even want it anymore. Ha. 

Life, it's funny.

Filler #2

So adorable, Selena *_*

Whenever I feel really tired of being in an LDR because of all the problems that arise, I'd think back to this quote and come back with a renewed purpose to keep the love alive :)

Just really obsessed with their hairs idk whyyy.

Got myself a similar top in a baby blue color! :D

This cracked me up. Oh, 9gag.

:3

American Apparel came out with this nail polish line called Sheer that specially creates that ombre look! Not sure how well it'd actually work though! But it looks super good in the ad.

I would if I could.

Been obsessing over silver jewelery!!!!!!!! It's so difficult to come across quality ones here in Jakarta though :( and I don't trust e-bay (rather, idk how to operate it hehe).

"Would you lay with me and just forget the world?"

Have a great night everyone! :)

Ayyy, whaddup!

Omg somebody needs to teach me the trick on how to pick a flattering thumbnail picture -_-

Filler #1

Been a while since I blogged! Here's what I call a "filler post", where I just put in random pictures of things that have entertained me this past week - humorous, inspiring, artsy, etc. I know Audrey Kitching does "weekly inspirations" on her blog sooo yeah, something of that sort! Enjoy! :D

HAHA I love when 9gag posts baby-related jokes ><

                         

Asdfghjkl geometric shapes - blue and purple hues - nebula. This is the epitome of "me", hehe.

Gonna paint this one day!!!!!!!!

:') again with the combi of purple and blue.

              

Planning to recreate these ombre shorts with my already yellow-ed Bershka shorts! <3 Will blog about progress wheeeeee.

Freaking love this shot of this unknown beautiful model. That color haaaair o_o

Gonna dye my hair this color sometime in the next two years methinks, but I'm kind of cagey with the whole bleaching my entire head of hair thing :( 

This is so out of my comfort zone

This is for all those persistent people grrr :p sorry it's a year late LOL. Anyway it turns out this was fun to make so woohoo.

Please comment, like, favorite, subscribe, promote etc! <3

NO.

I won't if you won't ;)

:')

I know many people give me crap about the amount and/or the frequency in which I put on my makeup. It has gotten to the point where even when I haven't a stitch of makeup on, nobody believes me, saying how I'm just hiding behind my mask, hiding the true person that I am, bla di bla.

Yes I have to admit that it's difficult for me to go out, meet people, and be completely confident without makeup to hide the insecurities that I have. I acknowledge that I'm not this perfect person and I can never be that perfect person even with five tonnes of makeup piled onto my face... I guess you could say I'm still in that learning process. I'm learning to accept myself - warts and all. I'm also learning to accept the fact that not everybody will do the same. There will be talk regardless of whatever decision one makes. You can never win with society. You put makeup on, people call you vain, egocentric, or "secretly ugly". You go au naturalé, people say you're fugly as a baboon's butt. Point is, with whatever it is that you do, do it for yourself. Nobody else lives your life better than you do!

The video I embedded above is a 12-minute long vlog by Jen from Youtube's frmheadtotoe. I randomly clicked on the video, not paying too much attention to what she was saying at first. But I have to say by the end of it, I was completely moved by her honesty and bravery for showing her thousands of viewers how she looked like bare-faced. She has definitely changed my perspective on makeup. I realized how I depended too much on makeup to boost my self-confidence. Makeup can definitely do that to a woman, but it shouldn't be seen as a necessity, which was what it was quickly becoming for me. Anyway if you have the time please watch the video, girls! It doesn't matter if you're someone who wears makeup or not, but she talks a lot about body image and insecurities, which I'm sure every single person struggles with :)

I'm not saying that I'm giving makeup up altogether because let's face it, I still love it and how it's so close to magic haha. But I now see it in a different light - just a tool that we may or may not choose to utilize. With that said... requested makeup tutorial coming up! Been busy lately will try to film this weekend hehe kbye.

-T

One of Tumblr's Many Treasures

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.” 

-Bob Marley 

Two months.

Tropical Sweet 17

Hi everyone! Many people on my Formspring have requested a blog post on my birthday bash a month ago so I guess ayyy why not :D

Hence, I'll be outlining the events of that day for the people that asked for some ideas for their own parties. Good luck with your party-planning guys - trust me it's very stressful!

1.30 - 3 PM

We start out with hair and makeup... This is me with my hair clipped up in parts so that the curls can be long-lasting. My stylist then added three sets of clip-on hair extensions for more length and volume. Hehe excuse my no-makeup bare face! ><

3 - 5 PM

My photographer for the day, Rus Mulyadi, lives close to where I live, so he decided to give us extra service by taking pre-party shots at my house. He had to wait about fifteen mins for me to get changed though so he just lurked around corners, looking and testing out the lighting. I have to say he's very professional, friendly, and has great taste when it comes to the art of photography. The camera angles, tones of pictures, poses, etc., you can see he thinks very thoroughly! I definitely refer him to you guys :)

 

6 - 10 PM

Party time! I'm honestly too lazy to talk about the party in full so I'll just summarize all the highlights! Your fault for not coming! (Unless... I didn't invite you, in which case, I apologize hehe).

Weetttssss. I look like I'm pregnant here but s'all good.

Dummy cake by CherryBlossom. Go check them out they have super great looking cakes, very yummy too!!!

Dress by Mel Ahyar. It's lace in the front and backless with a long, layered, tulle bottom! Btw I look super fat in that first picture har har har.

My freaking favorite part of the entire decor! The gazebo-like thing that was propped on the bridge connecting the inside restaurant to the outer beachside area. Those are beautiful pastel roses and other flowers draped all around the metal bars and it just reminded me so much of elegant Elizabethan times and oh goodness gracious it's just so pretty :')

Detail of the gazebo. Oh and btw my dress designer referred me to one of her best friends, Deasy, the woman that did all the decor. If you guys have been to Magnum Cafe in Grand Indonesia, awesome interior right? Yep, it was all her! :D 

Ask me personally if you guys are interested to hire her, I'll give you her contact number hehe.

Now on the contrary, this was my LEAST favorite part of the decor :S I really disliked the middle font right there. It kinda looked very cheap to me cos I think it's just cut-out styrofoam?! Sucky thing was that this was kind of the centerpiece of the entire party so the stupid font made a cameo in pretty much every picture haha! Everything else was flawless though.

Wishing Tree! Haven't actually read through these cards yet hehe.

Photobooth area from MomentsToGo - unlimited printing of pictures!

                                    

There were 17 doves(?) in bird cages for all the "candles" and myself! These birds were eventually let to fly free whilst the rest of the guests had helium balloons. Some of these birds were injured though I think... so poor things just soared in the sky for a miniscule second before they SPLAT onto the ground. *holding back laughter*

My candles walking down the aisle with total swag and Danza Kuduro playing in the background.

"Tropical" belly dancers dancing to arabian music -_- no comment!

DEEEEJAAAAAAYYYYYY <3

Jazz/Pop band. Haha they were alright.

I also asked some of my friends to perform! These boys chose to dance (how cool is this shot btw?) and  Pepita&Carol was supposed to sing but couldn't at the end :( boohoo.

RAFFLE! Julian won the Blackberry!!! Then either Will or Don got the Polaroid camera and the iPod shuffle hehe.

There were also some games that mostly revolved around dance, catwalks, and couple-oriented ones. Haha aaaand I'm far too lazy to add pictures for those :p

At about 10 - 12 AM, the remaining guests just stayed for the afterparty and DANCED LIKE THERE WAS NO TOMORROW. The DJ started playing more upbeat music and aaaahhh it was just a great time. Haha to be honest with you this was my most favorite time from the party cos I could just completely let loose and truly celebrate my 17th :D

And that concludes this uber looooong post! Hope you liked all the pwettie pikchas and for those who are planning their own sweet 17, don't hesitate to ask me if you have any other questions :) I know planning can be such a hassle so I'll help if you need it hehe.

Lotsa loooveee, T