Keep Out

Found this saved in my drafts from months ago, I'm assuming just another one of my random passages I neglected to post. I don't think it actually has any personal meaning to me but I forget. Hehe.

I guard my heart well. I keep it behind invisible bulletbroof borders. Over time, over continuous bullshit, continuous dickwads, and continuous pain - those walls harden and grow both horizontally and vertically. During the peak of this state, I feel secure. Protected from the manacles of lust, infatuation, and urgh...love.

My comfort zone is cozy. I tell myself I'm fine with the limited space but deep down I know I'm nothing but a fool. I decide to ignore the asphyxiation coming on to me slowly but sure as hell. It would be at that point in time when loneliness would consume me completely and turn me numb to the core. I still tell myself I'm fine, though I know deep down, I'm just nothing but an ebbing fool.

Then as easy as a breeze, a silhoette approaches. As the figure grows larger and larger, details becoming clearer, I can feel my heart just pounding with anxiety. The walls of my heart constricted even more than I thought possible. They did not permit outsiders' entry whatsoever.

The silhoette is blurry at first. We talk, we laugh. I thought it all fine, my heart is safe secure. It wouldn't go anywhere, this was nothing but innocent guilty pleasure.

Then came that one moment. This moment occurs for every single person. It is when the image of that person suddenly becomes crystal clear. It could be a smile or a laugh, a tease or a tickle, it could be anything really. But at that second, you just knew that you have fallen into the inevitable, you have fallen into love. Shit.

I did not know this but what I thought was harmless fun and casual talk, held a greater power over me. Through every smile you threw at me I could feel that heart sinking deeper, falling more and more in ways that I could not control.

You're a drug, you.