November 7, 2014

Six Signs To Let Him Go

Today, I will be touching up on the topic of breakups, or more specifically, the prospect of breaking up with your significant other. Let’s be honest, shall we? You clicked on this link for a reason. Maybe you’re whole-heartedly, tear-jerkingly, heads over heels in love. Or maybe, just maybe, there is a teensy-weensy bit of doubt snuggling in the darkest corners of your heart. Well whatever team you’re on, fret not my friend, I am here to either cast away those doubts or - ehem - confirm them. If this was unbeknownst to you, I am in fact a female, so this post will be directed for the women. However, you boys can go ahead and apply it to your own circumstances with your fair lady.

1. You don’t see a future with him. Things could be swell at the moment, but there seems to be several loopholes here and there where you two just don’t talk about and ignore. The future. Perhaps it’s due to the fact that both of you realise that it could lead to a painful heartbreak where your future plans don’t see eye-to-eye. It could be anything, really. He could have mentioned a five-year program where he has to study abroad during brunch but you chose to look past it and nod nonchalantly. He could be somebody who doesn’t wish to have children but conversely, you absolutely adore kids and would want your generation to pass on. He wants to marry somebody that will be a stay-at-home wife but you feel like you have your own dreams and aspirations to chase. The two of you have vastly different beliefs and are secretly just waiting for the other to change their beliefs to match yours. This is especially true for couples that believe in different religions and are inflexible with their state of mind. As difficult as it is to accept it, love is NOT everything in a relationship. It is the most amazing and the most important PART of a relationship because without love, there is no relationship. But if you have love but everything else has gone to utter shit, then there might as well be no relationship. If your lives are heading towards different directions and there is no way to fix up a harmonious future together - let him go.

2. You are constantly looking for a better substitute. You love him, you treasure him, and you feel lucky to be with him… but why is that guy in the corner so goddarn cute? Hey, it’s completely okay and healthy to have crushes. Yes, your boyfriend probably crushes on other attractive girls too. These innocent crushes don’t involve any feelings whatsoever, but you just so happen to find someone else besides your S.O to be charming and funny, and you appreciate these traits about them. However, if you start feeling flustered or get little tingles of butterflies when these ‘crushes’ are around, or if you start wondering about how much better it’d be if you were dating this guy or that guy, then girl, you need to check yourself. This is entirely not okay and maybe you’re just not that in love with your guy to begin with. When you’re in love with somebody, you just know they are The One. He may not be the best-looking, the wealthiest, or the most popular guy out there, but he’s perfect in your eyes. Nobody else can compare to how you feel when you’re with him. 

3. He makes you feel like crap about yourself. Relationships are supposed to bring you up, not down. Life is already tough as it is, you do not need the weight of a displeasing, mean, and bitter man on your shoulders. Your significant other should be your biggest cheerleader (second to your mom, of course), always rooting for all your endeavours and goals. If he isn’t giving you the support that you need, badmouthing your opinions, or worse of all, laughing at your dreams, then chuck him into the farthest man bin you can find. This is one aspect of how a relationship could make you feel bad about yourself. Another would be the worst of its kind, he’s making you think that you’re not good enough. Either he’s constantly talking about how gorgeous hoe A or hoe B are and never giving you credit for all the work you did to look good for him, or that he’s always criticising every little thing about you. If he doesn’t make you feel like a better person, then how do you expect to live on feeling belittled every single day?

4. You have nothing in common. There’s that phrase “opposites attract”, and I suppose in some circumstances it is valid. However, I’m talking about couples that don’t enjoy the same things whatsoever, and would spend most of their time away from each other to do stuff that their S.O doesn’t like. He is the type of guy that absolutely cannot stay still, and enjoys activities such as hiking, going to museums, or marathon running. Whereas on the other hand, you just love to unwind once in a while and do absolutely nothing but watch DVD’s on the couch and cuddle. If you two have zero similar interests, it would be difficult to spend quality time together if you’re always fighting about what to do on dates, or feeling forced to do something you dislike. 

5. Neither of you are putting in any effort anymore. Gone are the days of lightning speed text replies, spontaneous romantic gestures, and late night car rides. Let’s be real, honeymoon romance does not last forever, but that does not mean that the sacrifices that you make for your love should end. If you feel like he no longer prioritises you nor the things that you care about… If he cancels on you one too many times and for silly reasons too… Then wave goodbye to that man. The effort to stay in touch - physically and emotionally - should perpetuate till death does you part. This effort should come from both sides; a healthy balance goes a long way. Love should persist even after you’ve reached the Comfortable Stage. Even though people say that butterflies eventually disappear, I like to think that the butterflies simply go to sleep. Once in a while, on a cute movie night in, or when he sends you a bouquet of flowers “just because”, the butterflies will awaken. However, if he doesn’t try to revive those butterflies anymore, this is when you should chuck the relationship down the drain.

6. The Unforgivables. Ok. If you received your acceptance letter to Hogwarts like I did, *har har har wishful thinking Titan* then you’ll know the Unforgivable curses that are absolutely, unquestionably, unequivocally, inexcusable!!! In Muggle world, these would be: cheating and abuse. Cheating proves to you that he does not value the relationship and your undying loyalty and thus lacks respect for you. He is selfish - gratifying his temporal satisfaction without considering the consequences of breaking your heart. If he hits you or yells curses at you that would give your mother a chronic heart-attack - you deserve better. Do you really want to live the rest of your life being afraid of your love? Cowering in the corner when he returns home intoxicated and violent? No. No woman nor man, deserves such dehumanizing treatment.

Nevertheless, with every opinionated verdict I make, I come with a disclaimer. You can put this list into consideration - do what you have to - with tact. Relationships are never black and white, there are grey areas and only you and your partner know that relationship fully and completely. Who am I to judge for I am nobody but your loyal online friend, cheers and keep on loving folks xx

Love, T