December 15, 2011

2011 Nutshell && Lessons Learnt

*Warning: long post with swearing ahead! This is how I talk naturally when I'm not trying to be all poetic like in my other posts so if you're a sensitive prick then go check out my PG-13 paraphenalia instead mwah*
Events are in somewhat chronological order!

This year was a precious one. 365 days (okay I know technically not yet since we're only halfway through with December but bear with me here) of maturity miles and big smiles, painful tears accompanied by mascara smears.

I lived this year and am with no regrets. Yeah, it wasn't the best (omg I gotta stop rhyming my words lol), but I'd give myself a gazillion pats on the back to have pulled through like a fucking boss.

In all fairness, 2010 was a tough year to beat. I fell in love and stayed there... and let me just tell you it was a wonderful feeling. Reading through the pages of my diary, it's like I'm reliving those times as they all come to me in an almost tangible rage. But as I flip through and through, I realized that my penmanship began to mutate. I began to discover love really wasn't a gentle bed of roses, they were right. Love may seem like a harmless sea of crimson red roses that you want to sink in but when you do, you sink then you sink then you sink till you're caught by all those throbbing thorns.
Then you want to get out.

So I got out. It was a rash decision but it happened and I thought I would be free from the manacles of those thorns. But was I really? Idk but all I know is I grew, no, fuck that, I freaking metamorphosed from that experience - my first proper heartbreak. Haha, aaaand that's all I'm going to say about that segment of 2011 :)

Let's see, what else? I had my first proper birthday dinner with 30 of my closest friends in what seemed like forever. The last time I celebrated my birthday was when I was wee-little, seven or eight summers old at most. So you can imagine how uneasy I felt. I guess behind my image of comfortable confidence and slight insanity, I'm just a little bird that fell from the oak tree that wounded its little wing. Did I successfully make you hurl there? :D Wonderpul.
Nobody really knows about this little private party of mine because the only cameras at that time were mine and Enriko's and I strictly forbade him against posting any pictures on Facebook. Here's one polaroid shot of the night though cos I'm one narcissistic bitch and I liked my cake so there:
To be brutally honest although the dinner was special and all, it was no game compared to our aaafftteerrrparty! :D My girlfriends and I went out to this underage club - which is horrid btw - but had the best time anyways. We went wild and had one of the best nights of our lives just ignoring the rest of this bullshit world and its bullshit components. We didn't even consume that much booze hahaha! Whenever some loser boy tried to hit on any one of us I'd literally yell right at their faces, telling them to pissssssss ooofffffffff. I was in a dark, man-hating phase at that time so pardon me k? :D

Ok another substantial event of 2011 would most probably be my drastic change of appearance! See, I've never been comfortable with my looks. I was always too something. Too chubby here, too small there, too big there, too short there, and too fugly overall. I wouldn't say I'm the worst of all cases in relation to self-esteem, for there are some pretty fucked up mental girls out there. But yes I'm a girl and that's what girls do. They pick at themselves and live everyday trying to refine themselves and polish parts that have already been polished multiple times. I fell into society's ideal. Large eyes with hypnotizing irises, sculpted bone structure, neat nose, defined lips and the list goes on.

I noticed some girls at my school would have swollen eyes for about three weeks which eventually turned into pretty, deep-lined, eyelids. Trust me they were pretty before, but my being shallow and all, I thought whatever procedure they did, it made them even prettier. I have always liked how high brow bones and a visible set of deep eyelids gave the eyes more life and 'sparkle'. So I decided I'd ask them what it is exactly that they did to their eyes.

Turns out it wasn't plastic surgery. I'm not too sure what it's called in English but when directly translated from Bahasa Indonesia, it's "eye clipping" aka "jepit mata". It isn't permanent and does not involve surgical knives of any kind but shit that pain felt pretty surgical to me! I'm no expert but what I think she did was FREAKING SEW A LINE OF THREAD ON EACH OF MY EYELIDS. I felt nothing when she did the actual sewing, but when she injected about six shots of anesthesia(?) on the flap of my eyelids, it was like holy mother of God sweet baby Jesus save me. But anyways I endured the pain - three months of bruised, swollen, uglyass, bloody eyelids. Good times, good times.

Before eye clipping:

After four months and completely not swollen anymore!:
No makeup in this picture whatsoever so you can see the eyes clearly.

Ok, I know the change isn't that evident in these pictures but people that have seen me in real life will definitely notice it. Definitely. Everybody says I look like a different person from year to year regardless but I gotta agree, I did change a lot this year specifically!

You can see the line on my eyelid very clearly here.

I also learned how immensely I believe in the natural law of CHICKS BEFORE DICKS. A few months ago, I was put at a crossroad with an indirect ultimatum from my bestfriend. It was my call, she would have supported me nonetheless, whatever that call turned out to be. At first, I was fazed and being the pathetic weakling that I was during summer break, I actually hesitated for a bit. In the end, I chose them, of course. I know nothing must break the bond of trust I have with my friends. I know they're the ones who don't lie about loyalty and will actually go through with their promises. Unlike 99% of the men on the face of this planet, my girlfriends are, ironically, men of their words. They don't whisper sweet nothings like men do, I mean, they are called nothings for a reason.
<34evah for Muhammed :*

Hi reader, are you still reading up to this point? Haha you must be really interested in my unorthodox life or just freakishly "kepo", huh? The more I flip through my memory bank of 2011, the more I realized how inappropriate it'd be for me to continue writing in this post! Oh and not to mention, some events just deserve a blog post of its own ;) #cliffhanger #sparkcuriousity #advertisingtechnique #nowyouwillcomebackformore

I think I've both embarassed and exposed myself enough for a night, one can only reveal so much hehehe. In retrospect, I'm glad to say that I can look back onto this year and wear a smile on my face.
I've freaking lived this year to its ultimate fullest potential sonnn, any more and I'm dead :)



  1. Omg you're really pretty Titan! You don't have to feel uncomfortable with your appearance :) I'm a huge fan of you haha :)

  2. You're so nice it's unbelievable :) but nah I'm not pretty! I say that with utmost sincerityyy hihi. I don't deserve your fandom but thanks ya, I wish you'd reveal your identity ;)